Thursday, October 18, 2012


             Today I feel

                              .... weird...

And I can't explain it. Have you ever spent hours in contact with numerous familiar faces, but not one of them seems to echo the warm expressions you’re trying to convey toward them? And everything that comes out of your mouth contrasts with what you gathered in your mind? And you go home to someone who really cares about you and even though they are providing just what you need, it doesn't help. You try and tell yourself that you’re being irrational; it doesn't matter what other people think. And yet you can’t shake the thought that maybe you don’t belong anywhere.

I see the same faces at work, school, and at church. And everyone is friendly. And some people are extra nice. But sometimes I still feel alone. It’s like I’m trying to be best friends with everyone I come in contact with that day. But in reality, all I need are the people I call family.  I came across a quote I really like:

“Everybody has a home team: It’s the people you call when you get a flat tire or when something terrible happens. It’s the people who, near or far, know everything that’s wrong with you and love you anyways. These are the ones who tell you their secrets, who get themselves a glass of water without asking when they’re at your house. These are the people who cry when you cry. These are your people, your middle-of-the-night, no-matter-what people.”-Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way

It doesn't matter if all my co-workers love me, or my classmates, or the people in my ward. What matters is that I’m the luckiest girl because I have the best home team. Just to name a few members:

My husband
My parents
My best friend Rachelle
My parents-in-law
My brothers
My grandma Mary
My aunties Laura and Karoline
My brother-in-law Nephi
My cousin Amber

And especially my Heavenly Father. No matter how near or far I've placed Him in my life, He still loves me. He knows all my secrets, my stumbles, and my irrational fears. He cries when I cry and He is definitely my middle-of-the-night, no-matter-what kind of person.

Today I feel:

much better
and amazed.

And I can explain it. :)


  1. Very well written. I love my home team too.

  2. Home teams are the best aren't they? I loved this post and it helped me remember those who are the most important really do matter the most. About three weeks ago I was having a hard time getting past what I felt were my huge inadequacies especially my ability to do well in the elementary ed program. I called my husband in tears and he reminded me that there are only a handful of people's opinions that I should truly take into consideration being first God's opinion of me. Next my opinion of myself, and lastly my husbands' opinion of me. Those three people needed to mean the most because as soon as you try to please and be the best for everyone you forget what is really important and lose yourself by being someone different.
    Anyway, sorry for the long comment, loved the post and I'm glad I'm not the only that has down days. :) Glad you're feeling better.

  3. If I could choose my home team would I choose differently? Of course! I would pick the most intelligent, the best-organized, the one who takes me to doctor's appointments when I can't think straight, the ones who listens to my ramblings, the ones who always have a big smile for me,the ones who send me extra food from their meals or baking. I could go on and on. Guess what? I do have a home team with these qualities.I don't have to look elsewhere. Friends may be fleeting but your family is forever. I love you and Ammon so much. Hold on. Had to sniffle. I will always be here for you. Sometimes you have to do the reaching out because we all live in our bubbles and aren't aware of other's needs. But if you open up and ask you will find much comfort from your home team.

  4. Leah you are inspiring. I know what you mean, it feels sooo good to have a home team. I've never thought of it that way either and I like it.."home team". Thanks for posting Leah Beah. So true that the Lord is always there. I would have to say that makes me feel much better about life more than anything else ever could. I miss you.

  5. Leah, this post is so relateable. I love you so much. thanks for posting this. you are amazing.

  6. Thanks so much everyone for your responses and support!


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