family pictures // rock canyon

Hi there! It has been eons since I have written in this blog! The last time I posted something was when Lily was 3 months old. That was back when I thought I had a difficult baby that never slept. Now I have a baby who sleeps like a champion and who I think is the sweetest, happiest, and easiest baby. Well... at least for the most part. Yesterday was a different story. She was hardly sweet nor happy, and she was definitely not easy. I'll explain in a bit.

Yesterday we went and got family pictures taken by a professional. I'm going to write that sentence again: Yesterday we went and got family pictures taken by a professional. That sentence might not seem unusual for some people, but for us, it is a BIG deal. Ammon and I have never paid for professional pictures before. Just friends and family who have... you know... really good cameras. Okay, I guess you can count our wedding day, but even then, we could only afford someone for a tiny portion of our wedding. So you can imagine the anticipation and excitement I experienced when we decided to hire a photographer to take our family pictures.

Because we don't do this very often, we weren't very smart in planning when and where to get our pictures taken. June 22nd at Rock Canyon at 6 p.m. Seems pretty harmless, right? It did to us. I'm not teaching for the summer, Ammon didn't have school or work that day, we didn't have any vacations planned, and it didn't interfere with Lily's bedtime. As our date got closer and closer, I started to worry. I knew that our photographer, Kristina Bills would do a good job, so I wasn't worried about that. I was worried about how we would look. What if our outfits didn't match? What if they matched too much?  I spent hours of searching and rearranging outfits for us. I couldn't fall asleep one night because I was brainstorming outfits! Outfits! Who does that? Me! That's who. {insert sighing emoji here}

The day of our session arrived and I was still trying to find outfit pieces. Goodness, was this just yesterday? Yeah, I guess it was! Man, it feels so long ago! haha. Anyway. Thankfully, with the help of h&m, Target, and JCPenny, I found everything we would need. By the way, as a side note... I only went and got new outfit pieces because when you're trying to coordinate outfits, even if you have a lot of cute clothes in your closet, and so does your baby, you might not have items that match each other. That was us. Before getting our pictures taken, we made sure to leave ourselves plenty of time to get ourselves and Lily ready so that we weren't stressed trying to get there in time. Nailed it. We got out the door on time, smiling, and with everything we would need! Boom baby!

Now... what we weren't prepared for was the heat. You may have seen this meme recently:

Yeah that's what if felt like for us. It was in the high 90s and we were on the side of the mountain. Which you'd think, "Oh, higher elevation, cooler temperature." Yeah, no. It felt more hot there than it did at the bottom of the mountain. And to top it off... no shade. Okay, fine, there was some shade. Like, the size of my bed! And it aint no California King!

The whole time we were getting our pictures taken, I just kept picturing my make-up smeared, my hair matted to my face, beads of sweat on my forehead, and my cheeks bright red. I did not feel pretty whatsoever. I don't know about you guys, but for me, it's hard to pose for pictures when you don't feel pretty. So, I just focused on listening to Kristina's guidance, keeping Lily happy, and smiling. Even if we looked like a complete wreck, I'd at least be smiling! :)

We weren't the only ones who noticed the heat, Lily did too. Our usual happy, babbling baby turned into a booby, cranky, whiny baby. Taking pictures with her was what made it especially challenging. She didn't want to be held and cried if we did, and she hardly smiled. (Which, when you feel like Two-Face, who can blame ya?)

After our session, Ammon and I drove home in despair. Okay, I was the only one in despair. I had been looking forward to these pictures for so long and I had pictured us all looking beautiful and smiling. And to make things worse, Lily's cheerfulness on the way home confirmed that is was the heat that made her so cranky, so I blamed myself for choosing a hot month, a hot time, and a non-shady location. Oh. And I also felt so guilty because I didn't feel like I was nice to Kristina at all from the stress of Lily. And I was worried because it wasn't like this was just a family member with a nice camera, this was something we were ya know... paying for. Luckily, Ammon was really good at cheering me up. Plus we went to Swig and got some cold drinks so that helped as well. Plus I texted Kristina afterwards to apologize and everything she said made me feel so much better.

Before I move on, I just want to clarify that I was not at all worried about Kristina's abilities, nor did I doubt them. I just thought there wasn't anything good to capture because we were all so hot and Lily was so grumpy. Krstina's abilities=not worried. How we looked=worried.

Today I got the pictures. Today! Holy cow, that was FAST! I'll be honest, part of me was like, "She's already done with our pictures because there weren't very many good ones to work with." I thought that! You guys, it was really hot. I'm normally not this pessimistic, I promise. :) But then I got to see the pictures, and here's what I think about Kristina. I think she's a magician. She has to be. I'm pretty sure she graduated from Hogwarts and was hiding her wand inside her camera bag because our pictures turned out PERFECT! I teared up when I saw them. And I'm not even pregnant! I don't know how she did it. Lily had smiled for less than a second and Kristina somehow captured it! And it wasn't because she was holding down her camera button the whole time, just hoping she'd get something good. She knew exactly when to take a good picture. But that's just the beginning of her amazingness. Not only was she precise in snapping a picture, she was also so sweet and upbeat the WHOLE time. Which we needed because I think we were all on the verge of losing our minds.

Kristina's Instagram home page says, "Turning your chaos into beauty through my lens." I've seen that quote on her page a million times because that's how many times I've been to her page to look at her pictures. I happened upon that quote again after looking through our pictures and got goosebumps and teared up again! It's because that's exactly what she did. She truly turned our chaos into beauty.

Alright my friends,without further ado, please enjoy the beauty she has provided as you scroll through our family pictures:

My baby girl has green eyes!

I absolutely love this picture
Every mom wants a picture that captures the love she has for her baby and this one takes the cake! 

Although, these next two might be it. Lately she has loved touching noses. During the entire session she only touched her nose once and my nose once. And it happened randomly. We didn't even ask the usual, "Where's Lily's nose? Where's mamma's nose?" She just did it. And Kristina got it! I'm telling you... magician.

Okay, this picture just might have made it all worth it. Look at that gorgeous mountain!

My two loves. Wow, I love this picture!

Playing with mamma's watch

That sad face breaks my heart! 

Probably my favorite one of us. Ever.

Oh, but I do really like this one as well! 

And this one!!

Aren't they amazing? If you're ever wondering, "Is it really worth it to pay that much for a photographer?" the answer is "Yes! Yes times a million!" That is, if your photographer is Kristina. Let me just recap all the reasons why:

1. She is so easy to work with. She is the perfect balance of getting to know you more and getting things done! And I never ever once felt awkward.
2. She is so great with kids. Even the really sad ones.
3. Her pictures are amazing. They speak for themselves.
4. She gets them to you quickly! And it's not because there weren't very many good ones to choose from. (I can't believe I ever thought that!)
5. When she sends them, you get more than what's on the blog. Much more! And they are all SO good!
6. She sends every single picture to you both in color, and in black and white. That way, you can choose which ones you want in color and if you want any of them in black and white... she's already done that for you.
7. There are no glares on anyone's faces. Even when you're standing in the bright sun.
8. She makes you feel so good when she blogs about you.
9.  She will stay positive, upbeat, and nice no matter what. Even when she is in the sun the entire time. (We got to stand in the shade, but not her!) And you KNOW that if she can stay that way through the heat and a cranky kid, then she will be like for any other circumstance you can think of.
10. Reason number ten? She's a magician.


Thank you, Kristina! We will for sure be coming to you for the rest of our family pictures!

miss lillian renee // 3 months

Dear Lily,

You are growing up SO fast. One day you can barely lift your head, and the next, you can roll over! I've heard a lot of moms say that they want their baby to stop growing-that they are growing too fast. Me? Um... You can keep growing fast. Keep growing fast until you can put yourself to sleep. haha. No... please stop growing because if you stop growing then time will stand still and I won't have to go back to work. Deal?

You are a very spirited baby which can be... well... heartwarming and frustrating. Your spirited nature makes watching you and interacting with you SO much fun. I love watching you explore your extremities and master the ability to control your body. You can hold your head up like a pro and rolling over from back to tummy is second nature. You love being held in the standing position which always elicits an inquisitive and delighted expression on your face. Airplane and Row Your Boat (when I pedal your legs and sing Row, Row, Row your Boat) are your two favorite games with your mama and laughing back and forth is your favorite thing to do with dad. Speaking of laughing, you have the cutest laugh! But I'll get to that in a minute.

Your spirited nature also makes you hard to put down. By "put down" I mean in a swing, on the ground, in the bouncer, in your carseat, and to sleep...especially to sleep! Writing this post took all day because I couldn't put you down for more than 20 minutes. (Aren't babies supposed to nap for longer than that!?) Being held and played with is your favorite thing. You are very social and don't want to miss out on the fun. 

You love the outdoors. Taking you outside instantly calms you down and you especially love outings that don't involve too much carseat time and if it means being held. (Keep in mind that this is only true though if you haven't missed a nap.) 

The other day, I took you out in the rain so that the cold rain drops were falling on us and you stopped crying. That's not a typo. You stopped crying in the rain. Of course it was just a light drizzle, but I couldn't help but think you are definitely your momma's daughter. So curious and so interested in new experiences and sensations. Oh, and the 4th of July? While many of the little kids went inside because they were afraid of the fireworks, you did just fine. As long as you were being held, the fireworks didn't startle you or frighten you. 

You love bath time! As soon as you hit the water, you kick and move that tiny, naked body of yours. I love catching you staring at the loofahs that are hanging below the shower-head.  Bath time is one of the few times during the day when you don't need to be held and you are happy for more than 10 minutes. Sometimes I eat dinner while you kick and splash, but mostly I read Harry Potter. Sometimes I read it out loud to you which is adorable because you usually start babbling away back at me. I'm pretty sure you're saying something like, "Oh that Hermione and Ron, why don't they just hook up already?"

Just in a month, you have accomplished so many things. You are hitting your milestones early which just further confirms my theory that there is a big kid trapped in your tiny, adorable, squeezable body. You can grasp your hands together. I catch you flirting with your hands and feet all the time. You can roll over from back to stomach and sometimes from stomach to back. You can laugh out loud. You can kick like no one's business and you are really good at grabbing mom's hair. You are starting to inch and grunt your way forward during tummy time. (Please don't crawl too soon, I'm not ready!) You are very talkative! Probably the cutest sound you make is the "ahh-goo" sound. That one gets me every time! You aren't very interested in toys yet and I haven't seen you grab for them. I could probably work on dangling more things in front of you, but there will be plenty of time for that in the future. There is no rush. You can sit up in the bumbo chair for forever. Well, that is if you didn't get sick of it and start crying. 

Your laugh is the best sound in the whole word. Really. If I could only hear one sound the rest of my life, it would be your laugh. When you laugh, I laugh and I will keep doing whatever it is that is making you laugh for forever if it means you will keep laughing. I'm just a wee bit jealous that your dad is really good at getting you to laugh over and over again. But mostly I just love it because it is the cutest thing ever to see you two interacting. You're totally going to be a daddy's girl. 

If there is one thing that is cuter than your laugh, it is when you babble. You talk to the loofahs in the bath tub, to the banner hanging above your changing table, to the plush leafs hanging above your crib, but especially to your mama. I love having conversations with you. We mostly just say, "hi" back and forth but I could do it all day and maybe all night. Which is saying something because I do not like going without sleep. 

Which brings me to last night...

Last night was... well... rough.Your dad had to be at work at 6 a.m. today which meant he needed to get up at 5. Well, of course, you don't fall asleep these days until 11 or midnight.  It was 10 p.m. when he was trying to fall asleep and I was trying to get you to fall asleep. You were tossing and turning and fussing and grunting. So I dragged the pack n' play into the living room and grabbed a fan from storage and placed it in the hallway, near your crib. After an hour of patting your back, walking you, patting your back some more, you finally fell asleep in your crib. Well around 3:30 a.m. your dad got up to use the restroom and BAM! knocked over the fan that I had left in the hall. You immediately started crying. I was so mad at myself for leaving it in the hall. The next 2 hours were spent trying to calm you down and get you back to sleep. I'm just glad every night isn't like that.

Breastfeeding is going well. We are finally getting the hang of it. I still use a nipple shield because whenever I try going without it, you immediately get confused or frustrated and since I'm not very patient, I just go back to the shield. But I am not ashamed because you are still getting breastmilk and it works for us! Breastfeeding used to be a calm & quiet bonding moment but lately there's been more grunting and scratching. Let's just say we've been holding hands a lot more and I'm totally okay with that. It's still a bonding moment. I love it when I catch you looking at me. 

Although getting you to fall asleep is the biggest pain in the you-know-where, once you're asleep, you usually sleep 6 solid hours in a row at night. Sometimes even 8. If you do wake up in the middle of the night hungry, all I have to do is feed you for 15-30 minutes and then I can miraculously set you back in your crib and you keep on sleeping. 

You love your hands! You will often put them together and suck the daylights out of them. I'm not sure if you're teething or if you just like sucking, but man alive you love it. You've also been drooling a lot lately which is so funny! I wipe your chin more than I say, "It's just a nap, Lily."

You like:
-bumbo chair
-being naked
-baths
-being outside
-daddy's arms
-ceiling fans
-t.v. screen
-eating
-standing
-when you have mom and dad's full attention
-gnawing on mom's knuckle
-music
-your hands and feet
-being tickled
-kisses from mom and dad
-strangers (you flirt shamelessly with them & trick them into thinking you are the perfect baby!) :)
-visitors

You dislike:
-missing your nap
-being left alone for more than 10 min.
-being in the carseat
-going down for a nap
-going down for bedtime
-your binky (Darn. I was kind of hoping we could use that to soothe you for at least 6 months. Now what will I use in church?)

Your favorite song: Requiem for a Dream by Jennifer Thomas

Nicknames we call you: cutie, turtle, hunny bunny, stinker, tiny

Happy 3 months miss Lillian Renee. You have my heart. You are my everything. I love you.

2 months

She can hold her head up non-stop!

She LOVES standing, she can hold onto things tightly for hours if we let her, & she can sit in her Bumbo chair all by herself.

Oh, and did I mention she cries? But it's super cute & I'm learning to be patient when it's late in the night. :)

New nickname: Turtle

6/7/15

On June 7th 2015 @ 6:30 P.M., Lily was given a name and a blessing from her dad. 

Her GORGEOUS dress that great-grandma Mary got her. :)

All ready to go... before she knew what was going to happen.

As we drove into the parking lot (right at 6:30) of the church where she was to be blessed, my heart started beating faster. There were a lot of cars there and for some reason it made me feel a little nervous. When we walked into the relief society room, the room was full of friends and family to support us. The bishop asked if there was anyone we needed to wait for. We both looked around and told the bishop that we were good to go.

That's right, we were the last ones there. Classic us.
Actually! In our defense... Lily was nursing way longer than I thought she would, so it's her fault, right? :)

After a brief introduction from the bishop, Ammon blessed our sweet baby girl. Lily was right on cue with her blessing. She started crying when the blessing began and then as soon as Ammon said, "Amen," she stopped. That's my girl. :)

In her blessing, she was told more than once that her parents love her. I am so glad that Ammon mentioned that because if there is one thing I want her to never doubt, it is that her parents love her.

Another thing mentioned in her blessing was that she would find the joy of living the Gospel on her own. Yes! It's what happened to me and it's what happened to Ammon. One of the biggest reasons we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is because it brings us so much JOY and I hope that she will come to find that for herself as well.

After the blessing

I LOVE this picture!

Annnnnd... she started crying again!

The Holden side

The Lott side minus Kirk who is working in Cali and Elias who is in the MTC

Grandma Holden. This picture melts my heart!

Awww!

Proud parents

Mark & Rachelle.
Lily will come to know these two very well.
I'm so glad they came! 

Selfie

Unsuccessfully trying to get her to smile

Cute

THAT dress!

haha! This one's for you, Nephi!