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             Today I feel

                              .... weird...

And I can't explain it. Have you ever spent hours in contact with numerous familiar faces, but not one of them seems to echo the warm expressions you’re trying to convey toward them? And everything that comes out of your mouth contrasts with what you gathered in your mind? And you go home to someone who really cares about you and even though they are providing just what you need, it doesn't help. You try and tell yourself that you’re being irrational; it doesn't matter what other people think. And yet you can’t shake the thought that maybe you don’t belong anywhere.

I see the same faces at work, school, and at church. And everyone is friendly. And some people are extra nice. But sometimes I still feel alone. It’s like I’m trying to be best friends with everyone I come in contact with that day. But in reality, all I need are the people I call family.  I came across a quote I really like:

“Everybody has a home team: It’s the people you call when you get a flat tire or when something terrible happens. It’s the people who, near or far, know everything that’s wrong with you and love you anyways. These are the ones who tell you their secrets, who get themselves a glass of water without asking when they’re at your house. These are the people who cry when you cry. These are your people, your middle-of-the-night, no-matter-what people.”-Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way

It doesn't matter if all my co-workers love me, or my classmates, or the people in my ward. What matters is that I’m the luckiest girl because I have the best home team. Just to name a few members:

My husband

My parents

My best friend Rachelle

My parents-in-law

My brothers

My grandma Mary

My aunties Laura and Karoline

My brother-in-law Nephi

My cousin Amber

And especially my Heavenly Father. No matter how near or far I've placed Him in my life, He still loves me. He knows all my secrets, my stumbles, and my irrational fears. He cries when I cry and He is definitely my middle-of-the-night, no-matter-what kind of person.

Today I feel:

much better

humble

and amazed.

And I can explain it. :)